Wednesday, May 31, 2006
when home feels like hell
When home feels like hell, real happiness is impossible. Soon, I’ll be leaving, I’m just afraid there’ll be no good memories to take and cherish.
I love my family but the past seems to bother my soul much.
I just dream that tomorrow...love reigns our home.
I love my family but the past seems to bother my soul much.
I just dream that tomorrow...love reigns our home.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
wakadu...du.du.du...
Love near or far
Hindi na yata talaga kami makukumpleto…
…wag naman sana. :-(
Iba talaga pag kasama ko ang wakadu. Ang barkadang mula pa nang grade five ay kasa-kasama ko na. Ang tagal na rin pala non noh? Hindi ko akalain. Anim na taon na pala ang nakalilipas. Ang bilis kasi ng panahon eh.
Nalulungkot lang ako. Kung bakit ba kasi sa tuwing magkakasama kami e hindi kami makumple-kumpleto. Hmp! Pero nakakatuwa kung paano sinisikap ng bawat isa na makumpleto kami.
Kahapon, sa birthday ni Joshua, pamangkin ni Anna V., wala si Ryan. Ilang beses na nga syang kinontak ni Kate pero kung wala daw sa lola e nasa CR –ang tambayan ni Ryan. Pati si Karla Mae. Isinakripisyo pa nya ang load nya sa pagbabakasakaling makausap si Ryan. Pero…walang nangyari. :-( Buti na lang napapaligo ni Kate si Plinky at nakasama rin namin sya.
Nung birthday ni Karla Mae, 20 May 2006, wala si Kate at Mam Torio. Si Kate, nasa Baguio kasama ang kanyang pamilya. Wrong timing noh?! Kung bakit ba kasi May 20 ang birthday ni Karla Mae. Hehe. Si Mam Torio, hindi ko alam.
Nung fiesta kina Kate, 14 May 2006, wala si Anna V. Buti na lang at nakahabol ako kahit medyo pa-importante. Pero pansin ko, kahit magkakasama kami, kanya-kanya pa rin. Hindi ko naman masisi kasi iba na nga naman ang buhay-buhay namin.
Nung Mahal na Araw, prusisyon ni Kate, wala ako at si Mam Torio. Ako, nasa PYC. Hmp! Hindi ako sumunod kahit iniisip kong sumunod.
Haaay nakoo! Kelan nga kaya kami makukumpleto?
Kelan kaya uli may kainan?
Nagbabakasakali lang na makumpleto kami.
Yung tipong hindi lang physically present huh kundi fully present.
Mahirap?
Siguro nga. Pero kung gusto naman, may paraan da ba?!
Ilang araw na lang at aalis na ako.
Natatakot lang ako na baka bago ako umalis at magtungo sa bundok ko e wala akong baong isang tunay na masayang alaala mula sa wakadu. :-(
Iniisip ko ngang makasama sila sa paghahatid sa ‘kin eh.
Pero baka sa panaginip lang mangyari. Hindi rin naman ako nagsasalita.
Basta, wakadu forever. Mahal na mahal ko ang wakadu.
Makakita man ako ng iba, iba pa rin syempre pag wakadu.
Mahal ko kayo, yan ang totoo. :-)
Hindi na yata talaga kami makukumpleto…
…wag naman sana. :-(
Iba talaga pag kasama ko ang wakadu. Ang barkadang mula pa nang grade five ay kasa-kasama ko na. Ang tagal na rin pala non noh? Hindi ko akalain. Anim na taon na pala ang nakalilipas. Ang bilis kasi ng panahon eh.
Nalulungkot lang ako. Kung bakit ba kasi sa tuwing magkakasama kami e hindi kami makumple-kumpleto. Hmp! Pero nakakatuwa kung paano sinisikap ng bawat isa na makumpleto kami.
Kahapon, sa birthday ni Joshua, pamangkin ni Anna V., wala si Ryan. Ilang beses na nga syang kinontak ni Kate pero kung wala daw sa lola e nasa CR –ang tambayan ni Ryan. Pati si Karla Mae. Isinakripisyo pa nya ang load nya sa pagbabakasakaling makausap si Ryan. Pero…walang nangyari. :-( Buti na lang napapaligo ni Kate si Plinky at nakasama rin namin sya.
Nung birthday ni Karla Mae, 20 May 2006, wala si Kate at Mam Torio. Si Kate, nasa Baguio kasama ang kanyang pamilya. Wrong timing noh?! Kung bakit ba kasi May 20 ang birthday ni Karla Mae. Hehe. Si Mam Torio, hindi ko alam.
Nung fiesta kina Kate, 14 May 2006, wala si Anna V. Buti na lang at nakahabol ako kahit medyo pa-importante. Pero pansin ko, kahit magkakasama kami, kanya-kanya pa rin. Hindi ko naman masisi kasi iba na nga naman ang buhay-buhay namin.
Nung Mahal na Araw, prusisyon ni Kate, wala ako at si Mam Torio. Ako, nasa PYC. Hmp! Hindi ako sumunod kahit iniisip kong sumunod.
Haaay nakoo! Kelan nga kaya kami makukumpleto?
Kelan kaya uli may kainan?
Nagbabakasakali lang na makumpleto kami.
Yung tipong hindi lang physically present huh kundi fully present.
Mahirap?
Siguro nga. Pero kung gusto naman, may paraan da ba?!
Ilang araw na lang at aalis na ako.
Natatakot lang ako na baka bago ako umalis at magtungo sa bundok ko e wala akong baong isang tunay na masayang alaala mula sa wakadu. :-(
Iniisip ko ngang makasama sila sa paghahatid sa ‘kin eh.
Pero baka sa panaginip lang mangyari. Hindi rin naman ako nagsasalita.
Basta, wakadu forever. Mahal na mahal ko ang wakadu.
Makakita man ako ng iba, iba pa rin syempre pag wakadu.
Mahal ko kayo, yan ang totoo. :-)
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
cellphones not allowed
Always look at the brighter side
I am deprived of friends. I am losing friends. I am all alone.
This is what I feel since the day my parents got my cellphone. They just didn’t know how affected I am with what they did. It’s been a year since I lose my phone but the feeling still kills me. Yes, it kills me. They forced me to hate them and rebel against them.
All the loneliness, the happiness, all the tears and smiles – I have no one to share with.
No good mornings, no good days, no good nights – all I have is bad everything.
No Happy Birthdays, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year – who will ever be happy being alone?
No more quotes, no more jokes, nor chain messages – I have nothing –nothing.
It’s been a year since I lose my phone but the feeling still kills me. Yes, it kills me. And I guess, having it back will never be the same again, coz what I’ve lost will always be lost and they simply.will never.get back to me –anymore.
____________________________________________________________
Sa kabila ng katotohanang wala akong cellphone, ito ang aking mga pampalubag-loob.
1. Hindi ako nako-contact ng ama’t ina ko sa twing umaalis ako ng bahay. Hahaha. Buti nga!
2. Tipid. (dun sa mga taong naglo-load sa ‘kin.hehe)
3. Walang istorbo. Nakakapag-concentrate ako. (Asus, sana nga totoo! kasi iniisip ko… pa’no kaya kung may cellphone ako?)
4. Nacha-challenge ako sa pagtatakas ng phone. (I love challenges kasi.)
5. Nalalaman ko kung sino ang tunay na mabait. (pag pinahiram ako ng cellphone.)
Ilan lamang ito sa mga pampalubag-loob ko (dahil iilan lang naman talaga sila). Basta kahit papano masaya pa rin ako dahil alam kong hindi ako nag-iisa (d ba ryan?).
I am deprived of friends. I am losing friends. I am all alone.
This is what I feel since the day my parents got my cellphone. They just didn’t know how affected I am with what they did. It’s been a year since I lose my phone but the feeling still kills me. Yes, it kills me. They forced me to hate them and rebel against them.
All the loneliness, the happiness, all the tears and smiles – I have no one to share with.
No good mornings, no good days, no good nights – all I have is bad everything.
No Happy Birthdays, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year – who will ever be happy being alone?
No more quotes, no more jokes, nor chain messages – I have nothing –nothing.
It’s been a year since I lose my phone but the feeling still kills me. Yes, it kills me. And I guess, having it back will never be the same again, coz what I’ve lost will always be lost and they simply.will never.get back to me –anymore.
____________________________________________________________
Sa kabila ng katotohanang wala akong cellphone, ito ang aking mga pampalubag-loob.
1. Hindi ako nako-contact ng ama’t ina ko sa twing umaalis ako ng bahay. Hahaha. Buti nga!
2. Tipid. (dun sa mga taong naglo-load sa ‘kin.hehe)
3. Walang istorbo. Nakakapag-concentrate ako. (Asus, sana nga totoo! kasi iniisip ko… pa’no kaya kung may cellphone ako?)
4. Nacha-challenge ako sa pagtatakas ng phone. (I love challenges kasi.)
5. Nalalaman ko kung sino ang tunay na mabait. (pag pinahiram ako ng cellphone.)
Ilan lamang ito sa mga pampalubag-loob ko (dahil iilan lang naman talaga sila). Basta kahit papano masaya pa rin ako dahil alam kong hindi ako nag-iisa (d ba ryan?).
Monday, May 22, 2006
my veeerrryyy loving mother
Accept and forgive
I therefore conclude that my mother loves throwing objects to see them flying.
I’m just not sure whether to hate her or love her for that because I am often her target.
But since acceptance is the key for a happy life I just accept the picture frames, figurines, dishes, remote control and other displays thrown to me. And of course, accept my mother though it hurts. Isn’t it, love till it no longer hurts? How I wish, my fresh wounds no longer hurt!
And remember, the more our parents hurt us, the more they love us (really?!). Hope that my mother loves me less.
-_-
I therefore conclude that my mother loves throwing objects to see them flying.
I’m just not sure whether to hate her or love her for that because I am often her target.
But since acceptance is the key for a happy life I just accept the picture frames, figurines, dishes, remote control and other displays thrown to me. And of course, accept my mother though it hurts. Isn’t it, love till it no longer hurts? How I wish, my fresh wounds no longer hurt!
And remember, the more our parents hurt us, the more they love us (really?!). Hope that my mother loves me less.
-_-
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
a forbidden love
Love
I loved –but was forbidden.
Cared –but was ignored.
I miss our memories.
They haunt me day and night.
I just can’t leave them all behind.
Until now, your arms I want to feel.
Your embrace still I long for.
Why did it have to happen?
Why to you and me, whose love is so sincere?
Things just get so unfair.
It’s more than a year yet nothing in me has changed –nothing.
I am still the same person you loved.
The same person –who loved and will always love you.
Part of me belongs to you.
Part of me is in you.
Part of me is you --forever.
No matter what happens.
Till the sun no longer shines.
Though we can never be together again anymore, your name still I scream.
Your love still I hunger.
I loved –and though it was forbidden, nobody can stop me…
…nobody can stop me from loving you –forever.
babala
huwag masyadong magpapaniwala. ito ay piksyon lamang na ibinase sa damdaming hindi piksyon na nilagyan ng kaunting imahinasyon at eksaherasyon. =)
I loved –but was forbidden.
Cared –but was ignored.
I miss our memories.
They haunt me day and night.
I just can’t leave them all behind.
Until now, your arms I want to feel.
Your embrace still I long for.
Why did it have to happen?
Why to you and me, whose love is so sincere?
Things just get so unfair.
It’s more than a year yet nothing in me has changed –nothing.
I am still the same person you loved.
The same person –who loved and will always love you.
Part of me belongs to you.
Part of me is in you.
Part of me is you --forever.
No matter what happens.
Till the sun no longer shines.
Though we can never be together again anymore, your name still I scream.
Your love still I hunger.
I loved –and though it was forbidden, nobody can stop me…
…nobody can stop me from loving you –forever.
babala
huwag masyadong magpapaniwala. ito ay piksyon lamang na ibinase sa damdaming hindi piksyon na nilagyan ng kaunting imahinasyon at eksaherasyon. =)
Monday, May 15, 2006
sa baguio
Find time to be alone
Sa Baguio, walang Daddy na mangungulit sa akin.
…walang Mommy na mame-mressure sa akin.
…walang Ateng manghihiram sa akin.
…walang Kuyang mang-aaway sa akin.
…walang Bunsong manghaharot sa akin.
Sa Baguio, walang Reypyel na manggugulo sa akin.
…walang wakadu na babagabag sa akin.
…walang PYC na mambubulabog sa akin.
Sa Baguio, wala sila.
Sa Baguio, wala ako
...dahil hindi ako kumpleto pag wala sila.
Why in so many schools in Bulacan and Manila, I chose Baguio?
…In Baguio where I am a total stranger. In Baguio where I have nobody.
I guess, it’s really my destiny -- I am destined to be in Baguio. To be a Baguio girl. (Or perhaps, to be an Igorot!)
I know God has a reason. He has His own purpose.
Let’s just say I’ll be in a vacation – a ten-month-vacation. So while everybody’s busy with his freshman life and while everybody enjoys his independence, I’ll be relaxing in the city of pines.
I need silence. I long for the nature’s warm embrace. I want to feel the cool breeze touch my face. I wish to gaze at the stars till I can feel no more loneliness. I just have to be alone. I guess, I can find it there.
I’ll be gone for good but not for long. I just have to find myself and search for my own identity. I have to refresh and unwind. Sooner or later, I’ll be back. And I believe, I’ll be mature enough to live -- and love.
I’ll surely miss you all folks! Love yah! ;p
Sa Baguio, walang Daddy na mangungulit sa akin.
…walang Mommy na mame-mressure sa akin.
…walang Ateng manghihiram sa akin.
…walang Kuyang mang-aaway sa akin.
…walang Bunsong manghaharot sa akin.
Sa Baguio, walang Reypyel na manggugulo sa akin.
…walang wakadu na babagabag sa akin.
…walang PYC na mambubulabog sa akin.
Sa Baguio, wala sila.
Sa Baguio, wala ako
...dahil hindi ako kumpleto pag wala sila.
Why in so many schools in Bulacan and Manila, I chose Baguio?
…In Baguio where I am a total stranger. In Baguio where I have nobody.
I guess, it’s really my destiny -- I am destined to be in Baguio. To be a Baguio girl. (Or perhaps, to be an Igorot!)
I know God has a reason. He has His own purpose.
Let’s just say I’ll be in a vacation – a ten-month-vacation. So while everybody’s busy with his freshman life and while everybody enjoys his independence, I’ll be relaxing in the city of pines.
I need silence. I long for the nature’s warm embrace. I want to feel the cool breeze touch my face. I wish to gaze at the stars till I can feel no more loneliness. I just have to be alone. I guess, I can find it there.
I’ll be gone for good but not for long. I just have to find myself and search for my own identity. I have to refresh and unwind. Sooner or later, I’ll be back. And I believe, I’ll be mature enough to live -- and love.
I’ll surely miss you all folks! Love yah! ;p
Saturday, May 13, 2006
warning!!!
If you wonder why I write in this pattern, it’s simply because I base most of my postings in the gospel of the day. I want you and me to learn in my experiences. I just hope you do. =)
bilanggo
Try and try until you die
Habang ako’y gulung-gulo rito sa harap ng kompyuter, nag-iisip ng maisusulat habang tumutugtog ang windows media player, nagkakagulo rin ang ama’t ina ko roon sa may kwarto. Pero mali ang iyong iniisip. Hindi sila nag-aaway. Hindi rin sila nagtatalik. Masyadong marumi ang iyong isip ha! Kundi, sa hindi malamang dahilan ay nakulong si mami sa loob ng kwarto. Marahil di kapani-paniwala pero totoo. Marahil nakakatuwa pero tama ka, ito nga’y nakatutuwa. Ahihihi.
Ganito ang nangyari…
Papasok sana si dadi sa kwarto nang hindi nya mabuksan ang pinto. Itinanong sa akin kung nasa loob si mami at sinabi kong hindi ko alam nang biglang sumigaw si mami. Nandito ako. Hindi ko mabuksan ang pinto. Dali-daling kinuha ni dadi ang susi at sinubukang buksan ang pinto subalit ayaw bumukas. Samantala, sa loob ng kwarto, pilit ding binubuksan ni mami ang pinto ngunit tulad ni dadi, siya’y bigo.
Tinawag ako ni dadi sa may bintana ng kwarto. Lumapit ako. Sabi nya kay mami. Haneeh, tara rito, may dalaw ka. At sumilip ako. Ipinakita ko ang aking mukha. Ang aking mukhang tumatawa.
Pero naisip ko lang, paano kung hindi na mabuksan ang pinto? E di sa loob na lang ng kwarto si mami forever? E di aabutan na lang namin siya ng pagkain sa bintana tatlong beses sa isang araw? E di dadalawin na lang namin sya twing gusto namin syang makita? Naku, hindi na rin sya nalalayo sa ibang bilanggo! Ang pinagkaiba nga lang nila ay sa lahat ng mga bilanggo, sya ang pinaka-at home.
Hindi pa rin sila nawalan ng pag-asa. Ulit-ulit nilang sinubukang pihitin ang hawakan ng pinto ngunit paulit-ulit rin silang nabigo. At sa huling pagkakataon, kinuha ni dadi ang susi. Isinuksok sa susian. Dahan-dahang pinihit ang doorknob. At…sa wakas, ito’y bumukas!
Hay, salamat! Hindi na namin kailangang abutan si mami ng pagkain tatlong beses sa isang araw. At hindi na namin sya kailangang dalawin na parang bilanggo.
Excited na lumabas si mami ng kwarto. Mababakas sa kanyang mga mata ang kasiyahan. Mababanaag sa kanyang ngiti ang pasasalamat. Salamat po Diyos ko. Salamat at ako’y nakalabas.
Sa kabilang banda, ako ri’y nagpapasalamat dahil sa wakas, may naisulat rin ako. Salamat po. =)
Habang ako’y gulung-gulo rito sa harap ng kompyuter, nag-iisip ng maisusulat habang tumutugtog ang windows media player, nagkakagulo rin ang ama’t ina ko roon sa may kwarto. Pero mali ang iyong iniisip. Hindi sila nag-aaway. Hindi rin sila nagtatalik. Masyadong marumi ang iyong isip ha! Kundi, sa hindi malamang dahilan ay nakulong si mami sa loob ng kwarto. Marahil di kapani-paniwala pero totoo. Marahil nakakatuwa pero tama ka, ito nga’y nakatutuwa. Ahihihi.
Ganito ang nangyari…
Papasok sana si dadi sa kwarto nang hindi nya mabuksan ang pinto. Itinanong sa akin kung nasa loob si mami at sinabi kong hindi ko alam nang biglang sumigaw si mami. Nandito ako. Hindi ko mabuksan ang pinto. Dali-daling kinuha ni dadi ang susi at sinubukang buksan ang pinto subalit ayaw bumukas. Samantala, sa loob ng kwarto, pilit ding binubuksan ni mami ang pinto ngunit tulad ni dadi, siya’y bigo.
Tinawag ako ni dadi sa may bintana ng kwarto. Lumapit ako. Sabi nya kay mami. Haneeh, tara rito, may dalaw ka. At sumilip ako. Ipinakita ko ang aking mukha. Ang aking mukhang tumatawa.
Pero naisip ko lang, paano kung hindi na mabuksan ang pinto? E di sa loob na lang ng kwarto si mami forever? E di aabutan na lang namin siya ng pagkain sa bintana tatlong beses sa isang araw? E di dadalawin na lang namin sya twing gusto namin syang makita? Naku, hindi na rin sya nalalayo sa ibang bilanggo! Ang pinagkaiba nga lang nila ay sa lahat ng mga bilanggo, sya ang pinaka-at home.
Hindi pa rin sila nawalan ng pag-asa. Ulit-ulit nilang sinubukang pihitin ang hawakan ng pinto ngunit paulit-ulit rin silang nabigo. At sa huling pagkakataon, kinuha ni dadi ang susi. Isinuksok sa susian. Dahan-dahang pinihit ang doorknob. At…sa wakas, ito’y bumukas!
Hay, salamat! Hindi na namin kailangang abutan si mami ng pagkain tatlong beses sa isang araw. At hindi na namin sya kailangang dalawin na parang bilanggo.
Excited na lumabas si mami ng kwarto. Mababakas sa kanyang mga mata ang kasiyahan. Mababanaag sa kanyang ngiti ang pasasalamat. Salamat po Diyos ko. Salamat at ako’y nakalabas.
Sa kabilang banda, ako ri’y nagpapasalamat dahil sa wakas, may naisulat rin ako. Salamat po. =)
Friday, May 12, 2006
i dream...i write
Bring out the writer in you
“Lagi mo na lang binabasa yung blog mo.”
Not because I admire myself. Not because I like the way I write. Not because I enjoy my compositions.
For a reason, I just can’t stop reading my postings over and over again.
For a reason, I just have to read them without getting fed up.
Everytime I read my past articles and my compositions, all I can say is --Yuck! They really suck!
Yes, I have to convince myself that I write. I have to read my masterpieces over and over again without getting fed up, and tell myself time and again that somehow they make sense.
I want to write. But my spirit tells me I can’t.
I love to write. But my pen doesn’t love me.
I honor writing. But I simply find no sense with mine.
How I wish that someday, in one way or another, I write for people, for myself and for God.
I dream that one day, writing would love me just the way I love it.
“Lagi mo na lang binabasa yung blog mo.”
Not because I admire myself. Not because I like the way I write. Not because I enjoy my compositions.
For a reason, I just can’t stop reading my postings over and over again.
For a reason, I just have to read them without getting fed up.
…I don’t believe in myself.
Everytime I read my past articles and my compositions, all I can say is --Yuck! They really suck!
Yes, I have to convince myself that I write. I have to read my masterpieces over and over again without getting fed up, and tell myself time and again that somehow they make sense.
I want to write. But my spirit tells me I can’t.
I love to write. But my pen doesn’t love me.
I honor writing. But I simply find no sense with mine.
How I wish that someday, in one way or another, I write for people, for myself and for God.
I dream that one day, writing would love me just the way I love it.
blogthings
You May Be a Bit Schizotypal ... |
 A bit odd and socially isolated. You couldn't care less of what others think. And some of your beliefs are a little weird. Like that time you thought you were Jesus. |
| Your Brain's Pattern |
 You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused. But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination. |
problema nya, problema ko, problema nating lahat
God is the Way, the Truth and the Life
Just recently, I was surprised to know that my bk had a great problem. (I mean, a problem. Because there is no such a great or big problem coz God is great and much BIGGER than any problems.) They were bankrupt according to him. And had no much money for his education. I really can’t control myself with my reaction…you know naman me! I was very silent, tongue-tied and speechless. As in no words except for ahhs and oohhs. He said that the only way for him to pursue his studies this coming sem was to sell his new cellphone (never mind the model and unit). He cried and I too was about to cry when I remember it wouldn’t help at all. To sympathize through crying may just make him feel more hopeless and down.
At home, I continued my senti moment. As I usually did at night especially when I am lonely, I gazed at the stars and felt the warmth of the cool breeze outside. I really didn’t know why I was so affected by his bad news; the only thing I knew is that he is my bestfriend and his problem is mine too. I could not help him and that troubled me. That time, all I could do was to pray and -- pray. So I brought my rosary out and prayed for almost an hour. It brought me relief and hopefully him too. I texted him with my reaction and some words of encouragement to let him know I care. It was a loooong message. Then I slept at around 2 o’clock still bothered by the situation.
The next day, I texted him asking how he was, then obviously, there was no development. Again, melancholy came and disturbed my spirit. That afternoon I decided to go to Adoration Chapel and talk to God one-on-one. It took me and Him more than an hour. Then we saw each other again in the mass. Just imagine how this problem of my bk made me so prayerful!?! Gosh!
Then when I saw my bk, he let me read a message saying “Mgkno b tui.fee n **?...” Again, I was so full of reaction. This time no more silence but joy and kilig (I can’t explain why I’m kilig everytime I’m happy…hehe.). My heart jumped so high and my smile was until my nape and my ears applaud. In my mind, I said a short prayer “Thank You po Lord! I love You!”
God is the Way, the Truth and the Life. Every circumstance in our lives is God’s plan and for His purpose so never blame Him for everything just thank Him for all the things. To tell you the truth, this didn’t just make me prayerful but a better person because of lots of realizations. So whenever you have a problem, God is the Way, the Truth and the Life.
Thank You po Lord! I love You! =)
Just recently, I was surprised to know that my bk had a great problem. (I mean, a problem. Because there is no such a great or big problem coz God is great and much BIGGER than any problems.) They were bankrupt according to him. And had no much money for his education. I really can’t control myself with my reaction…you know naman me! I was very silent, tongue-tied and speechless. As in no words except for ahhs and oohhs. He said that the only way for him to pursue his studies this coming sem was to sell his new cellphone (never mind the model and unit). He cried and I too was about to cry when I remember it wouldn’t help at all. To sympathize through crying may just make him feel more hopeless and down.
At home, I continued my senti moment. As I usually did at night especially when I am lonely, I gazed at the stars and felt the warmth of the cool breeze outside. I really didn’t know why I was so affected by his bad news; the only thing I knew is that he is my bestfriend and his problem is mine too. I could not help him and that troubled me. That time, all I could do was to pray and -- pray. So I brought my rosary out and prayed for almost an hour. It brought me relief and hopefully him too. I texted him with my reaction and some words of encouragement to let him know I care. It was a loooong message. Then I slept at around 2 o’clock still bothered by the situation.
The next day, I texted him asking how he was, then obviously, there was no development. Again, melancholy came and disturbed my spirit. That afternoon I decided to go to Adoration Chapel and talk to God one-on-one. It took me and Him more than an hour. Then we saw each other again in the mass. Just imagine how this problem of my bk made me so prayerful!?! Gosh!
Then when I saw my bk, he let me read a message saying “Mgkno b tui.fee n **?...” Again, I was so full of reaction. This time no more silence but joy and kilig (I can’t explain why I’m kilig everytime I’m happy…hehe.). My heart jumped so high and my smile was until my nape and my ears applaud. In my mind, I said a short prayer “Thank You po Lord! I love You!”
God is the Way, the Truth and the Life. Every circumstance in our lives is God’s plan and for His purpose so never blame Him for everything just thank Him for all the things. To tell you the truth, this didn’t just make me prayerful but a better person because of lots of realizations. So whenever you have a problem, God is the Way, the Truth and the Life.
Thank You po Lord! I love You! =)
Thursday, May 11, 2006
extra challenge sa dumagat
Come to serve; not to be served
We rode in a truck, as we usually did. The sun was up and smiling. Imagine how he burns us. Oh yeah, we were freezing in the sun! The trip took us four hours (estimated). We dressed like Muslims or farmers wearing hat (I mean, HHAAAATTT), t-shirts on our faces, and jackets. Yes, we’d rather look like outlandish than be toasted humans. On our first stop, a guide told us that there was an ambush occurred in the neighbored barangay. Fear wrapped us up, thinking – Can we still back out? I don’t want to die yet! But of course…NO! We were going for a mission – a special mission. Remember? So…on we went. There was a rough road, then a hi-way, then another rough road, then a mountain. It’s not like Baguio nor Tagaytay. It is DRT – a place where most of the terrifying NPAs center. Oh my God! Back to our trip, we passed three ponds. Huaaaooo!!! First time! Then on and on, we reached the Dumagats – an ethnic minority we used to ignore.
I learned that all sacraments are held there all in the same day. Why? Because the parish priest goes there once a year. Yes, there are no Sunday masses, no baptism after birth, no weddings on your dream dates, not even a confession when you’re dying. But just a simple wedding, baptism mass when the priest is there. I pity them. I pity them not because a mass is held once a year in their place but because they don’t know God. It was indeed a hard task for us to convince them to attend that once in a year mass.
When we arrived, I saw how simple their living is. I was happy. And smiled. There were no televisions, no cameraphones, no computers and no vehicles. But still, they enjoy life. They find pleasure in doing simple things. They play basketball, not NBA Live; they bet in perya but they do not ride in rides coz they don’t have one; they also party, but not in bars and pavilions just in the basketball court. By the way, they’ll be celebrating their fiesta the next day. We moved and went on with our mission. For this time, a medical mission and distribution of some clothes. I accompanied in weighing and notice something. Some do not wear slippers. Most of them do not bother wearing one. They are used to it. They live a simple life. But I am not happy. I did not smile. I can’t smile. I thought – wearing no footwear hurts, aren’t they hurt? I can’t stay long wearing nothing on my feet but them…they love it. On the second thought, do they really love it or they just don’t have a choice?
After we weighed, I moved to the distribution of clothes and saw how excited they were to get something that fits them. They were truly happy to have new clothes but are they really new? Should I pity them or simply be happy for them?
I saw a baby. I carried him in my arms and played with him. He smiles and laughs. Again, I was happy. I love babies. I like him and he likes me too. I remember my nephew. I remember how he cries everytime he sees me. But this baby in my arms for the first time, laughs as he sees me.
The sun set and the moon rose. It was evening. We were welcomed in a little home. I was touched. Without a doubt they accepted us – strangers. Inside their little home I saw them preparing the meat to be cooked tomorrow. They were a family working as a family. I was happy again.
This encounter with the Dumagats is our mission. But never did I expect to be happy as I watched their simple ways. I thought, I would only be happy as I extend my help but it was more. I helped them but they helped me too – to see how simple things will make me happy. I came to serve but they also served us. I was happy. They made me happy. I wish, I made them happy too.
sa bundok,
sa gubat,
di kami matatakot...
basta't kasama ang
Panginoon =)
I packed my things up, ready for tomorrow’s journey to Dumagat. As I awoke the next morning, I prepared myself with a leap from my heart. Excited, I go to church – our meeting place. This would be another great adventure. A one of a kind experience. An extra challenge as we call it. We were going to DRT, the biggest part of Bulacan. But we would go there not for a vacation but for a mission – a special mission.We rode in a truck, as we usually did. The sun was up and smiling. Imagine how he burns us. Oh yeah, we were freezing in the sun! The trip took us four hours (estimated). We dressed like Muslims or farmers wearing hat (I mean, HHAAAATTT), t-shirts on our faces, and jackets. Yes, we’d rather look like outlandish than be toasted humans. On our first stop, a guide told us that there was an ambush occurred in the neighbored barangay. Fear wrapped us up, thinking – Can we still back out? I don’t want to die yet! But of course…NO! We were going for a mission – a special mission. Remember? So…on we went. There was a rough road, then a hi-way, then another rough road, then a mountain. It’s not like Baguio nor Tagaytay. It is DRT – a place where most of the terrifying NPAs center. Oh my God! Back to our trip, we passed three ponds. Huaaaooo!!! First time! Then on and on, we reached the Dumagats – an ethnic minority we used to ignore.
I learned that all sacraments are held there all in the same day. Why? Because the parish priest goes there once a year. Yes, there are no Sunday masses, no baptism after birth, no weddings on your dream dates, not even a confession when you’re dying. But just a simple wedding, baptism mass when the priest is there. I pity them. I pity them not because a mass is held once a year in their place but because they don’t know God. It was indeed a hard task for us to convince them to attend that once in a year mass.
When we arrived, I saw how simple their living is. I was happy. And smiled. There were no televisions, no cameraphones, no computers and no vehicles. But still, they enjoy life. They find pleasure in doing simple things. They play basketball, not NBA Live; they bet in perya but they do not ride in rides coz they don’t have one; they also party, but not in bars and pavilions just in the basketball court. By the way, they’ll be celebrating their fiesta the next day. We moved and went on with our mission. For this time, a medical mission and distribution of some clothes. I accompanied in weighing and notice something. Some do not wear slippers. Most of them do not bother wearing one. They are used to it. They live a simple life. But I am not happy. I did not smile. I can’t smile. I thought – wearing no footwear hurts, aren’t they hurt? I can’t stay long wearing nothing on my feet but them…they love it. On the second thought, do they really love it or they just don’t have a choice?
After we weighed, I moved to the distribution of clothes and saw how excited they were to get something that fits them. They were truly happy to have new clothes but are they really new? Should I pity them or simply be happy for them?
I saw a baby. I carried him in my arms and played with him. He smiles and laughs. Again, I was happy. I love babies. I like him and he likes me too. I remember my nephew. I remember how he cries everytime he sees me. But this baby in my arms for the first time, laughs as he sees me.
The sun set and the moon rose. It was evening. We were welcomed in a little home. I was touched. Without a doubt they accepted us – strangers. Inside their little home I saw them preparing the meat to be cooked tomorrow. They were a family working as a family. I was happy again.
This encounter with the Dumagats is our mission. But never did I expect to be happy as I watched their simple ways. I thought, I would only be happy as I extend my help but it was more. I helped them but they helped me too – to see how simple things will make me happy. I came to serve but they also served us. I was happy. They made me happy. I wish, I made them happy too.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
loser no more
God shows us the light
I descended from the rankings.
I was a disappointing president.
I dismayed my parents.
Oh my! I was a total failure. A loser indeed!
Thinking about this, I got so depressed, unhappy and miserable. I lost life and suffered a partial death. Yes, I escaped from life then suddenly felt ashamed of my self. Bit by bit, my smiles turned into frowns. No laughter heard, just the sobs of a little lady. Where is Zarina? The cheerful Zarina. The responsible Zarina. The lovely Zarina. I missed her. I longed for her. Everybody awaits her come back.
My misery pushed me to dig a big hole between me and God. The moments spent in prayer all of a sudden was spent in lament. I found fullness in emptiness. Built joy in sorrow. No people to hold on but just me…me. Now, I am alone -- alone in darkness.
Then one morning, the sun shines. I saw light as I open my eyes. I felt my soul within my frail body. I found God and get my life back. I am not a failure indeed. I am no loser but a winner. Now, I am stronger.
I failed the UPCAT but I am about to study in the University of the Philippines.
I descended from the rankings but I knew myself better than before.
I was a disappointing president but I was challenged to make a move till the last minute of my term.
I dismayed my parents but I will prove them they shouldn’t be.
I am Zarina – happy and alive, living in God always.
I failed the UPCAT.
I descended from the rankings.
I was a disappointing president.
I dismayed my parents.
Oh my! I was a total failure. A loser indeed!
Thinking about this, I got so depressed, unhappy and miserable. I lost life and suffered a partial death. Yes, I escaped from life then suddenly felt ashamed of my self. Bit by bit, my smiles turned into frowns. No laughter heard, just the sobs of a little lady. Where is Zarina? The cheerful Zarina. The responsible Zarina. The lovely Zarina. I missed her. I longed for her. Everybody awaits her come back.
My misery pushed me to dig a big hole between me and God. The moments spent in prayer all of a sudden was spent in lament. I found fullness in emptiness. Built joy in sorrow. No people to hold on but just me…me. Now, I am alone -- alone in darkness.
Then one morning, the sun shines. I saw light as I open my eyes. I felt my soul within my frail body. I found God and get my life back. I am not a failure indeed. I am no loser but a winner. Now, I am stronger.
I failed the UPCAT but I am about to study in the University of the Philippines.
I descended from the rankings but I knew myself better than before.
I was a disappointing president but I was challenged to make a move till the last minute of my term.
I dismayed my parents but I will prove them they shouldn’t be.
I am Zarina – happy and alive, living in God always.
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